Goldfish Ring

On the 5th Day of Xmas, My True Love Sent to Me: HARD-CORE-GOLD-FISH!

Welcome Back to

Kristin’s Gloriously Masterful Interpretation of the 12 Days of Christmas!

Why anyone would pierce a fish is beyond me. Actually, I suppose it isn’t since I understand the basics of fishing. And…

I’m using the word “hardcore” in the title but by no means advocate piercing animals. There is absolutely no point except to very deliberately agitate the animal. Sure, they might get used to it but why even do it in the first place? Let’s find out, I guess.

Cow Septum Rings = Reasonable

“The nose ring assists the handler to control a dangerous animal with minimal risk of injury or disruption by exerting stress on one of the most sensitive parts of the animal, the nose. Bulls, especially, are powerful and sometimes unpredictable animals which, if uncontrolled, can kill or severely injure a human handler.” -Wikipedia

Septum rings

Maybe the most normal of the animal piercings. I bet they sneeze when it gets put in, I know I did!

Pig Septum Rings = Fairly Reasonable

Pigs dig or “root” with their snouts, and such digging may be undesirable in some circumstances. Nose rings make digging uncomfortable for the animal, although a rung pig is still able to forage freely through leaf litter and surface vegetation.” -Wikipedia

Left to their own devices, pigs would just dig up all the evidence you worked so hard to bury in the backyard.

Kittens with Pierced Ears = Profitable Bullshit

‘Dr Merck said metal rings through the kittens’ ears affected their hearing while studs at the back of their necks and the bases of their tails produced a permanent feeling of submission.

“It would make them feel as if they were constantly being bitten (by their mothers),” she added.’ -MSN

Kitty Ring

Don't you think cats are crazy enough, kitten piercing lady?

Goldfish Lip Ring = Complete Bullshit

” I was bored, and the fish was at the shop. It all started out as a joke, but it looked cool and it never affected him adversely. So I just left it in.” -bizarremag

97% of all irony is completely lost on fish.

I can barely justify my own piercings so I’m still having trouble understanding what the pet piercings are all about. But if you’re going to do something for the sake of being hardcore, just be a tattooed fish.

Just like with eating beached whales, living inside horses and having sex with turkeys,

Don’t do this.

It’s a hassle, it interferes with the fish’s protective slime coating and is insulting to nature.

 I’m taking a break from all this, this song is starting to wear me out.


One comment on “On the 5th Day of Xmas, My True Love Sent to Me: HARD-CORE-GOLD-FISH!

  1. Pingback: 12 Days of Christmas, Animal Edition | Animal News, The Podcast

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