Happy St. Valentine’s Day! According to a survey conducted of English speaking people who live in my apartment, no animal is more romantic than the rhinoceros. So today, let’s have a look at the love life of this majestic creature. But first, some actual news:
Last week, police and staff at the Ueno Zoological Gardens conducted a rhino escape drill. For a touch of realism, the rhinoceros substitute was a delightfully realistic papier-mâché rhino with two zoo staff inside. The wiggling ears and wagging tail are especially nice touches. I think they put on a bit too much eye shadow though; it made the rhino look a bit trampy. Luckily for us, somebody got the whole ordeal on tape for this week’s Video Lunch!
As you can see from the video, the end game for stopping an escaped rhino on a rampage is to shoot it with a tranquilizer dart. But what if the goal isn’t to stop a rhino, but to woo her? Well, as we discussed in the most recent podcast, it is notoriously difficult to sedate rhinos and other animals without killing them. For this reason (and for a number of moral reasons) we must advise that you never attempt to date-rape a rhino or any other living thing.
Our next video will show you the proper (if not always successful) way to go about courting a buxom rhinocerus lass. In this video, Romeo the rhino makes several efforts at winning the heart of a mate. He tries buying her a drink at the waterhole, he tries sweet talking her with squeaks and whines, and he even tries to pick her up by the leg and carry her off. As he confronts a wall of angry females, it looks like what he really needs is a wingman.
And, like so many human bachelors, when things don’t work out with the ladies, he goes home and breaks shit.
Oh, and since it is St. Valentine’s Day, here are some pictures of a cute girl and a horse’s heart.