Friday Night Creature Feature: Snow Dogs

Oh no. Oh No. No. NO. NO!!!!

Oh God. What is it?

And then, I thought to myself.  Well, if you’re going to do Iron Will one week, you’re going to have to do Snow Dogs the next.  Snow Dogs, the critically reviled and insane movie about dogs, snow, and presumably slapstick comedy by Cuba Gooding Jr.  Cuba Gooding Junior is an actor who has actually won awards for his acting.  He has participated in movies where his skills were considered some of the most moving and powerful parts.  He was the only likable character in Pearl Harbor, a movie that I would not subject my worst enemies to, and was pretty darn good in that movie about the Navy Diver Jackie Robinson Guy (Further research indicates that the movie was called Men Of Honor and the story was based on Carl Brashear. Even further reasearch indicates that Carl Brashear is related to Donald Brashear, Ex-Cap and Awesome Hockey Player.  I might even watch Men of Honor again.).  Also, his catch phrase, “Show me the money” and previous and subsequent acting in Jerry Maguire got him an Oscar nod, for Best Supporting Actor.  He also studied Japanese Martial Arts for three years after graduating high school.

So, why have I listed these accomplishments in such a deranged fashion?  Well, let’s take a look over here, on the big board.

For those of you keeping score at home, Mr. Gooding’s character was introduced ninth. After Nana. And Demon. Also, there is at least one pun (I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the narration after the first one) and I’ve literally had to take a break three times in the middle of watching the trailer to stop my eyes from strangling me with my own optic nerve.

So, why is this my Creature Feature?  Because it has Huskies (and a Boarder Collie) in it.  I don’t suggest you watch it, but I’m going to watch it and write up some hundreds of words about it.  Perhaps I won’t claw my eyes out at the end of it. Perhaps I will.  We just don’t know.

Okay, I’m done.  I’ll list three good things, and I will refrain from listing any bad things.

First:  Nichelle Nichols was in this movie.  Better known as Uhura from the original Star Trek.  It was fun seeing her again, and she is a super babe.

Second:  The love interest, whatever her name is, is a complete babe.  She was a good actor, given the material, and was the babe-i-est babe in the movie, even more than Nichelle.

Third: Sisqo is barely in the movie.

It is filled with the kind of overacting that you expect in children’s movies.  The dogs are interesting looking, but they keep “augmenting” them to make them look mischevious or threatening, as opposed to just allowing the dogs to look like dogs.  CGI plus dogs looks even weirder than you think.

Otherwise, it is pretty much a normal “find out who I am” movie.  So, don’t watch it. Ever.

Ugh, I’ve wasted my life.

Matt

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