PODCAST: Hate Us Cause They Anus, Personhood Judge, and Don’t Cats


What’s up, Animal Lovers (no beastiality)?

We got your year in review right here, what with Jake being the Jerk that lives in a different part of the country, this countries terrible intercity travel, and the fact that we all might actually have lives… or whatever.

I mean, Matt doesn’t have a life, but that’s beside the point.

But what does that mean for you?  Well, that means that you get to listen to a new podcast, with special guest who I think literally said nothing, Marianna.

Much love to you, hope you enjoy, and make a clamor if you want to hear more.

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PODCAST: Pretending to be Professional, Can We Talk About Plants, and Elephant Language


We’re here, we’re recorded, get used to it.

PODCAST: Flea Circus Genocide, Momterruption, and We’re Back (vaguely)


Your favorite podcast is back, with more swearing, more genocide and more tapping upon the abdomen of your mate to find the reproductive organs to dunk your webbed ball of sperm inside. You’ll get it when you hear the cast.

Also, if anyone has heard from Brendan Johnston, it seems that he may have died in the middle of this comment. “You guys havent stopped the podcast have”. If you have any news, please write us at thisisnotarealemailaddress.forrealitsnot@notreal.com. Thanks.

Podcast: Closer to the Rhino, Closer to the Skin, and Closer to Chimp Porn


We’re getting our ribs crushed by Rhinos, making pubic lice extinct, watching porn with chimps, python challenge update, and of course, an anti-plug, don’t do it.

This is so late, because Matt is a boner.

Podcast: Aquarium Heists, Tupac the Guard Caiman, and Cat Interrogations


You know what time it is?  It’s time for ANTP.  Today, we’ve got animals guarding things, animals being stolen, and an animal breaking into jail.  Listen!

Also, we just hit 25,000 views on wordpress.  Thank you all so much for reading, and we hope to get another 25,000!

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WTF Evolution is Pretty Awesome

Man, Jake just suggested a site today, so I decided to suggest another one.  WTF Evolution is pretty funny, and good stuff.  Check it out!

“So I was thinking.”

“Great, evolution.”

“Nobody really needs eyeballs and limbs and all that, right? When you get down to it, all you really needto be alive is an opening for stuff to go in and an opening for stuff to come out.”

“Well, yeah, I guess so.”

“I might try making things that way for a few million years. ‘Sea cucumbers’ and the like.”

“Okay, but it’s not just going to be, like, a tube with a mouth and an anus, is it? That sounds a little crass.”

“What if I made it pink?”

“I don’t know…”

“Oh, and also, it’s going to breathe through the butt end.”

– WTF Evolution

Fly into the En-Dangered Zone!


Stop doing whatever you are doing (looking at cat pictures) and get yourself over to Bird and Moon. Bird and Moon has some very funny and informative animal comics. Like this one.
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Every last shred of credit goes to birdandmoon.com. Except the En-Dangered Zone bit, that was me.

EDIT: Fixed the link so now you can see the rest of Bird and Moon’s great stuff.

Tuesday Video Lunch: Fishing Bites


While Kristin obsesses over the Florida Python Challange (or “Snake Jihad”,) another insane Florida animal hunt is this week’s Video Lunch.

But before we get to the main course, we need a bit of an appetizer. It is possible that some of our readers are not familiar with noodling. Noodling is a form of fishing, in which the fisherman enters the water and puts his hand into dark holes and other likely hideouts for catfish. The catfish bites the intruding hand, either because it is pissed off or hungry, and then it becomes a battle of strength and will to decide whether the fish is caught or escapes. Sure, sometimes there are snapping turtles or snakes in those holes, but only sissies shy away from thrusting their limbs into the murky unknown. These women are not afraid:

So that’s noodling. Get in the water, shove your hand where it might get bit, and get ready for a fight. Just a few points about noodling before we proceed to the actual story for today:
1. Shirts are optional.
2. Country music is not optional.
3. The ladies in that video seem to have pet deer; this is also optional although not advisable since at least a few men have been gored to death by their pet deer.

In Florida, one of the few states where noodling is legal, some guy has decided to take things up a level. First, he isn’t keen on getting wet, so he just lies on the dock. Second, instead of going after catfish, he takes on tarpon. Tarpon is an interesting choice because they can get to be 8 feet long and 280 pounds and they are prized as game fish because they put up a fight like a sleepy child at bedtime. (If you’ve never been a babysitter, you may be surprised to know that it is the sleepy children who are most insistent that they don’t want to go to bed, but it is true.)

What!? After all that wrestlin’ he let it get away? I bet he doesn’t even have a pet deer!

From The Sun

Podcast: Ball Brew, Python Challenge and The Circus … of Bribes


Animal News is providing you with some guidelines for hunting some snakes, taking money for testifying and of course, drinking testicular beer. All this and more, on ANIMAL NEWS: THE PODCAST, IN SPACCCCCCCCE!

Python Challenge 2013: Snake Jihad, Snakepocalypse Vid


 

Of the 400 people who have signed up for the challenge that start tomorrow, this is the guy I know will not succumb to unpreparedness.

I predict this guy will murderhouse at least 5,000 snakes by the end of this weekend. Most of them likely to be Burmese pythons.

How many weapons does one man need? All of them.