True Facts About The Seahorse

Like me, you probably need more reasons to judge animals on features and skills over which they have no control. Especially the seahorse.

We’ve spent so much time on the lowly pandas and squirrels, that we’ve hardly touched on this hopelessly inefficient swimmer what with its “Denny’s menu” of  dorsal fin. Where we, ANTP, has failed, Ze Frank provides you with a thoughtful video with scoop on nature’s most romantic predator.

Check out some True Facts About The Sloth, Baby Echidna and  Angler Fish. Thanks to io9 for keeping me hip to the latest in snarky animal videos.


WTF Evolution is Pretty Awesome

Man, Jake just suggested a site today, so I decided to suggest another one.  WTF Evolution is pretty funny, and good stuff.  Check it out!

“So I was thinking.”

“Great, evolution.”

“Nobody really needs eyeballs and limbs and all that, right? When you get down to it, all you really needto be alive is an opening for stuff to go in and an opening for stuff to come out.”

“Well, yeah, I guess so.”

“I might try making things that way for a few million years. ‘Sea cucumbers’ and the like.”

“Okay, but it’s not just going to be, like, a tube with a mouth and an anus, is it? That sounds a little crass.”

“What if I made it pink?”

“I don’t know…”

“Oh, and also, it’s going to breathe through the butt end.”

– WTF Evolution

Fly into the En-Dangered Zone!

Stop doing whatever you are doing (looking at cat pictures) and get yourself over to Bird and Moon. Bird and Moon has some very funny and informative animal comics. Like this one.

Every last shred of credit goes to Except the En-Dangered Zone bit, that was me.

EDIT: Fixed the link so now you can see the rest of Bird and Moon’s great stuff.

Tuesday Video Lunch: Fishing Bites

While Kristin obsesses over the Florida Python Challange (or “Snake Jihad”,) another insane Florida animal hunt is this week’s Video Lunch.

But before we get to the main course, we need a bit of an appetizer. It is possible that some of our readers are not familiar with noodling. Noodling is a form of fishing, in which the fisherman enters the water and puts his hand into dark holes and other likely hideouts for catfish. The catfish bites the intruding hand, either because it is pissed off or hungry, and then it becomes a battle of strength and will to decide whether the fish is caught or escapes. Sure, sometimes there are snapping turtles or snakes in those holes, but only sissies shy away from thrusting their limbs into the murky unknown. These women are not afraid:

So that’s noodling. Get in the water, shove your hand where it might get bit, and get ready for a fight. Just a few points about noodling before we proceed to the actual story for today:
1. Shirts are optional.
2. Country music is not optional.
3. The ladies in that video seem to have pet deer; this is also optional although not advisable since at least a few men have been gored to death by their pet deer.

In Florida, one of the few states where noodling is legal, some guy has decided to take things up a level. First, he isn’t keen on getting wet, so he just lies on the dock. Second, instead of going after catfish, he takes on tarpon. Tarpon is an interesting choice because they can get to be 8 feet long and 280 pounds and they are prized as game fish because they put up a fight like a sleepy child at bedtime. (If you’ve never been a babysitter, you may be surprised to know that it is the sleepy children who are most insistent that they don’t want to go to bed, but it is true.)

What!? After all that wrestlin’ he let it get away? I bet he doesn’t even have a pet deer!

From The Sun

Podcast: Ball Brew, Python Challenge and The Circus … of Bribes

Animal News is providing you with some guidelines for hunting some snakes, taking money for testifying and of course, drinking testicular beer. All this and more, on ANIMAL NEWS: THE PODCAST, IN SPACCCCCCCCE!

Python Challenge 2013: Snake Jihad, Snakepocalypse Vid


Of the 400 people who have signed up for the challenge that start tomorrow, this is the guy I know will not succumb to unpreparedness.

I predict this guy will murderhouse at least 5,000 snakes by the end of this weekend. Most of them likely to be Burmese pythons.

How many weapons does one man need? All of them.

Tuesday Video Lunch: Calling All Turkeys (and Perverts)

After Kristin posted that video about turkeys last week, I got hungry. Hungry for some Video Lunch!

Turkey is on the menu again this week. But since we haven’t got a turkey to eat, we need to call one in. While we are at it, we’d like to call in some internet perverts to read our blog. (As we have noted on several occasions, perverts make up the bulk of our search engine traffic.) Luckily, there a San Diego news team has made a helpful “how to” video for attracting male turkeys and internet perverts at the same time:

Whacking Month in the Everglades, Python Challenge 2013

Here’s what I know about this so far:

  • It takes place in the Everglades where the nonnative Burmese Python is wrecking the ecosystem and proliferating faster than the rabbits I want to compare them to.
  • There will be two main prizes: $1000 for biggest snake and $1500 for most Burmese Pythons caught.
  • No, you cannot just cut up and sew together several snakes together to win $1000. You’d know that if you’d read the instruction manual.
  • Hundreds of people ranging from professional hunters to complete amateurs are bringing all types of weapons to this month-long extravaganza. All ages welcome!

I get the feeling that this will not go well for someone. Not for the obvious reasons like the 17 footer found months ago or the kids, pets, and large animals the snakes have taken out. No, no. The real fear didn’t hit me ’til I read through the manual which seemed both comprehensive and patronizing all at once. Behold.

Python manual

If you see a python being consumed by another swamp monster, let it go.

So, I’m already wading through the fucking murky Everglades swamp and in the back of my mind thinking about the alligators that were in no addressed in the training AND I’m looking for pythons. Big, angry grand daddy ones. I have so much trouble keeping my footing in the shower that I’m already done with this challenge, but let’s just see what the rest of the amateurs will have to deal with.

There wasn't enough to worry about.

There wasn’t enough to worry about.

There are a plethora of non native species roaming about mixed in with native snakes that are poisonous and non poisonous and I really hope the 15 seconds you guys used scrolling through the images on the PDF helps you sort em all out (especially the endangered ones). They are all brownish and look like snakes. Write that down.

Put your hand in its mouth to fish out possible other pythons.

Put your hand in its mouth to fish out possible other pythons.

I had an issue with the handling methods in the photo until I realized that the snake is probably already dead. Just so you know though, kneading is not the proper way to dispatch a python – try a gun, a machete, or a captive bolt. Just be sure to, you know, be super careful with that while you’re faffing around the Everglades with your kids.

All that to say…I will be obsessed with this story for the next month, starting January 12th. Stay tuned!

Podcast: Peeing on Frogs, Bird Head Pulltabs, and Chicken Saviors

We’re talking about plagues, insane people, chickens yelling.  You know, the usual.

Speaking of Parthenogenesis…

…did you know that turkeys are one of the few birds that delivers virgin births? Perhaps due to Lack of Journalism™, I never managed to find this out during my Turkey Knowledge Quest/FAQ. Learn about that a bunch of other pretty bizarre turkey trivia thanks to Discovery Channel “News”