After my highly critical io9 post, I thought I would post something that they posted that was pretty cool.
Want to be a whale scientist? How about an unpaid intern to a computer that a whale scientist that has uploaded some music to a library? If so, this story is for you!
Check it out!
This news post has photos of a graphic nature portraying a human being using a horse as a sleeping bag. This post is potentially NSFW, although that depends largely one where you work. If you want all of the story, but none of the wit or and all graphic images blurred, please visit The Daily Mail.
In a podcast earlier this year, we told you all about the death of Washington resident Kenneth Pinyan. If you can’t be bothered to listen, Mr. Pinyan came to internet fame by performing lewd acts on a horse and putting video of it on the internet under the name Mr. Hands. Do not look up these videos. Eventually, Mr. Pinyan suffered perforated colon and died from his injuries.
The State of Washington promptly made it a felony to have sex with an animal or to film somebody else having sex with an animal.
Now their neighbors to the south are upping the horse pervert ante. “I see your ‘man-killed-by-horse-inside-of-him’ and raise you “horse-killed-then-stuffed-with-naked-woman.” This sounds like a game that nobody can win.
A 5’6″, 119lb, 21-year-old blonde woman (whose name has not been released) and her boyfriend euthanized a horse. The horse was old and ailing and was put down with a single shot to the brain. So far, so good. Then they decided that they wanted to eat the horse. So they eviscerated the carcass. Then they got another idea.
They started posing for photos with the body. “Hey! Check out this awesome heart!” Still not too strange right? I mean, that is kinda cool. Horse hearts are pretty, pretty big. I wonder what it’s like to be a horse’s heart. Only one way to find out: get naked and crawl inside. Like so:
Gross! Get out of there!
The criminal investigation is over. The police have decided that there was no crime committed. The horse was put down humanely and after that, what they do with the carcass is really not a legal issue. Oh, and they reportedly did go on to eat some or all of the horse. Not surprisingly, it was delicious.
What is it about the Pacific Northwest that makes people want to put horses inside of themselves and vice versa? We may never know, but I suspect that it is one of those behavior modifying parasites that Kristin is so afraid of.
EDIT: The young lady seen above has been identified as Jasha Lottin. We considered not publishing her name for fear that her reputation would suffer and that she would pay too dearly for a simple (albeit bizarre) lapse in judgement. However, we have decided that she has killed her horse and now she must sleep in it.
Howdy everybody!
It’s been 30 days since our last (first) internets update, so let’s do another one. This is once again a summation of all the search terms that people have come to this site from.
owl gif 12 gross parasites 4 animals do before earthquake 4 animal news podcasts 4 animal news podcastr 3 pictures of animals reacting on disaster 3 animal news the podcast 3 wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake 2 beastly humans 2 wake up animal 2 animal news podcast 2 demonic owl gif 2 badass owls meme 2 demon owls 1 hookworm kimchi 1 why are owls hipster 1 bee puns 1 matt butler podcast 1 hipster salmon 1 smiling falcon 1 bee puns hipster owls 1 cat and owl gif 1 animal podcast, matt butler 1 fly zapper animated gif 1 why do animals freak out before earthquake 1 complete sequencing of genomes of four important representative species in inner mongolia, china 1 animals earthquake 1 hookworm parasite 1 hawkward owl 1 owls gif 1 hipster owl 1 do animals freak out before disaster? 1 animal sex man honey 1 winnie the pooh owl meme 1 hookworm 1 toxoplasmosis and pig 1 what did maryland animals do before the earthquake 1 hawkward 1 animal story of the week aug 29 1 highlarious animal news 1 do animals really freak out about earth quacks 1 animal fuck 1
So, what have we learned?
Owl gifs are apparently very important to our audience. Hawkward (owl) got two, owl gifs got 12, demonic owl gif got 2. Impressive. Also, Winnie the Pooh owl meme was a scattershot one, but I’m glad you found us, person who was looking for the rule 34 of that one.
Natural disasters, of which I can now add torrential rain to, because it is super floody around here right now, have been pretty impressively well represented. I think the main reasons for this are obvious. 1. We use words like freaked out to describe animals, instead of agitated. Animals do before earthquake was one of my favorites. Also, I do not know if “animals really freak out about earth quacks” but I’ll be damned if we don’t intend to find out.
Parasites. Gross, gross, disgusting parasites. Yeah, the people searching for that stuff are more hardcore than I am. I’m gonna go throw up.
And, I’m back. We have the general looking for podcasts about animals ones. We have now been described for the first time as highlarious, so that’s awesome. Matt Butler Podcast has made the list again, which I think underestimates the importance of Kristin Ingram Podcast and Jake Crabbs Podcast. You guys better google the fuck out of those terms.
And then we have the weird ones. “Animal Fuck.” Sure. “Animal Sex Man Honey.” No thank you, that sounds like it involves sex with bees, but please tell me more. “Hipster Salmon,” which should be on the codpast, but hasn’t been yet. “wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake” which might be my favorite search of this one.
Until next month, Animal Sex Man Honey!
Matt
Update: Last time, I mentioned that searching for ‘disturbing and gross animal podcast’ would probably be a jackpot for us. I just checked. We’re number one (and two).
Women of the world, please do not read this post, it is for MEN ONLY. Here is a link to more suitable reading for the fairer sex.
Alright, now that it is just us guys, I have to warn you of something. We men are becoming obsolete. New technology is making it possible for women to open their own stuck jars, kill their own bugs, and even program their own TiVos. We male specimens are becoming more and more useless.
“Don’t worry,” you say to yourself, “men will never be phased out entirely, eventually all of the females go baby crazy and then we males will be in demand for our seed. Indeed, we are entering a golden age of manhood! Thanks to Women’s Liberation, the ladies now can do all of the work while we laze about and make ourselves available for reproduction! Like a bee drone, the man of the future will exist only to lie around, gorging himself on honey until he is required for mating. Glorious days lie ahead!”
As tempting as a life of honey and sex sounds, the cottony cushioned scale (a gross little agricultural pest) has started a revolution that could see the end of males altogether. According to a National Geographic article, many of the females of this species of insect have become self-fertilizing (almost.) A parasitic clone of the female’s own father develops within the insect and fertilizes the eggs. So male cottony cushioned scales are no longer necessary and will likely die out in the near future. It is only a matter of time before human women find out about this and decide to give it a try. You know how they are about trendy health crazes.
So guys, before your wives and girlfriends find out about this evolutionary development, make yourself seem useful. Clean the gutters, get things off the top shelf for her, clean your shaving scum out of the bathroom sink. In short, do something to show that men are still good for SOMETHING. We all have to work together here guys or we’ll go the way of the Betamax.
Hey guys! There is a new Animal News: The Podcast! I hope you like this one! Because I really fucking loved it.
Thanks for listening! Comment below!
Search Views
animal news the podcast 5
bee puns in the news 3
animated animals 2
meme owl 2
animal news podcast 2
matt butler animal podcast 1
https://animalnewsthepodcast.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/bee-ing-informed-about-bees/ 1
bee puns news 1
owl smizing 1
animal extras hipster owl and falconry 1
falcon hipster 1
bee puns 1
falconry podcast 1
birds with expressions 1
owls send animal 1
This might become a regular feature on the site, but I wanted to share this with you. This is our current search terms that people have arrived at the site from.
Interestingly, the most hit upon podcast/post was the falconry one, with a total of ten searches that lead back. My personal favorite of these is ‘owl smizing’ just because I am so thankful that our site now has that as a linked search term. However, what the fuck does ‘owls send animal’ mean? I don’t even. Does it mean that owls send animals through the mail? Why is owls plural and animal singular? Are a gang of owls sending single animals places? Are the animals like the low level newspaper boy who works for the gang, reporting on the whereabouts of the delicous mice.
Eight of the hits are just for our podcast generally. Big ups to whomever remembered my name and searched for ‘matt butler animal podcast’ which was my personal working title, because I’m an egomaniac. That was until I realized that associating my name with a podcast that prominently featured Mr. Hands in it’s second episode might somehow reflect negatively on my person.
The bees are next with six hits. Apparently, there is a deep well of desire to find bee puns, and since we are bee-ing overwhelmed with them at the moment, they are ob-bee-ously popular. I thought I was out, but they pulled me back in.
Anyway, I was just looking through the site stats and thought that this was somewhat interesting. The challenge is, next month, who will come through with a big google find of us, that is both disturbing and probably gross. I’m guessing searching ‘disturbing and gross animal podcast’ pretty soon will hit a jackpot.
New episode of Animal News: The Podcast. Check out The Modern Apprentice for more about Falconry.
Hope you like it, leave a comment.
Explicit content in a new episode of Animal News: The Podcast in both content and in that the buzzing sound is explicitly annoying. Sorry everybody, I’m going to work on it and see if I can correct some of the buzzing.
Thanks to Maggie for joining us!
The first episode of Animal News, the Podcast is up. It’s long, just so you know.
Animal News: The Podcast 