Tabloid Thursday: Kung-Fu White-Claw Asiatic Brown Bear

Kung-fu Panda has more of a ring to it, but a headline from Weekly World News informs us that there is actually a kung-fu Asiatic brown bear in Russia. Sounds like a story for Tabloid Thursday!

The truth is somewhat less adorable and awesome than their leading image would have us believe:

From Weekly World News

In actual fact, the whole story is really about a video on YouTube of a bear playing with a stick. The bear is not exactly a kung-fu master, but it is actually somewhat impressive how well he controls the stick despite the lack of opposable thumbs.

To summarize: the bear does not actually know kung-fu, but he is actually cute.

Shark Body Bag

Shark Sleeping Bags Fulfill All Your Shark Role Play Needs

via ChumBuddy & Eaten By A Bear.

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Thanks to Kendra Phillips for making my dreams come true and to Die for Design for bringing badass sleeping bags and other incredible works of art to my attention.

NEWS: Bad Animal Movie Wishes It Could Blame Ohio Tragedy For Awful Content

...and their touching stories.

56 exotic animals were released from a private nature preserve in Ohio. Wild Lions, Bengal Freaking Tigers, Cheetahs, Monkeys, Wolves and presumably less interesting, unnamed animals likely bounded across the Ohio countryside until they reached Zanesville whereupon they were spotted and people lost their minds.

49 were shot down with handguns and rifles and cars. That’s right, someone supposedly hit a lion with their car which has got to be some kind of the worst trauma for everyone and everything involved. The owner of the farm/reserve/park killed himself, was bitten by one of the precious cats (tiger) and his wife begged for her animals’ lives to be spared. There are some sad photos  that I just don’t care to put up you can just click links.

6 animals were found, tranquilized and sent to the Columbus Zoo. And 1 monkey is unaccounted for but chances are some other animal involved ate it.

Questions we’re all asking ourselves:

What was the deal with the guy? Who let him have all those animals? How does one get to collect such animals? No one got attacked but why were all those animals shot down? And aren’t handguns a really terrible way to take down huge animals like grizzly bears?

And, more importantly, Will the Exotic Animal Slaughter in Ohio Hurt the Movie ‘We Bought a Zoo’?

Wait, no…less importantly.

Did you actually watch that? I’m so sorry. Did you see the “Based on the True Story” part? The “For Christmas” bit?  I had to stop at:


That’s where the timing of this movie starts to seem a little insensitive. Because, no, don’t do something crazy related to wild fucking animals you have no clue how to deal with. I thought that was the point of  all those damn animal hoarding shows. Those shows aren’t entertainment people, they are life lessons. If you are not equipped or trained or wealthy enough to deal with all the pressure of raising children (Matt Damon) then certainly gigantic animals aren’t gunna work either.