Pacific Northwest & Horses v. Human Dignity (Graphic Content)


This news post has photos of a graphic nature portraying a human being using a horse as a sleeping bag. This post is potentially NSFW, although that depends largely one where you work. If you want all of the story, but none of the wit or and all graphic images blurred, please visit The Daily Mail.

In a podcast earlier this year, we told you all about the death of Washington resident Kenneth Pinyan. If you can’t be bothered to listen, Mr. Pinyan came to internet fame by performing lewd acts on a horse and putting video of it on the internet under the name Mr. Hands. Do not look up these videos. Eventually, Mr. Pinyan suffered perforated colon and died from his injuries.

The State of Washington promptly made it a felony to have sex with an animal or to film somebody else having sex with an animal.

Now their neighbors to the south are upping the horse pervert ante. “I see your ‘man-killed-by-horse-inside-of-him’ and raise you “horse-killed-then-stuffed-with-naked-woman.” This sounds like a game that nobody can win.

A 5’6″, 119lb, 21-year-old blonde woman (whose name has not been released) and her boyfriend euthanized a horse. The horse was old and ailing and was put down with a single shot to the brain. So far, so good. Then they decided that they wanted to eat the horse. So they eviscerated the carcass. Then they got another idea.

They started posing for photos with the body. “Hey! Check out this awesome heart!” Still not too strange right? I mean, that is kinda cool. Horse hearts are pretty, pretty big. I wonder what it’s like to be a horse’s heart. Only one way to find out: get naked and crawl inside. Like so:

Gross! Get out of there!

The criminal investigation is over. The police have decided that there was no crime committed. The horse was put down humanely and after that, what they do with the carcass is really not a legal issue. Oh, and they reportedly did go on to eat some or all of the horse. Not surprisingly, it was delicious.

What is it about the Pacific Northwest that makes people want to put horses inside of themselves and vice versa? We may never know, but I suspect that it is one of those behavior modifying parasites that Kristin is so afraid of.

EDIT: The young lady seen above has been identified as Jasha Lottin. We considered not publishing her name for fear that her reputation would suffer and that she would pay too dearly for a simple (albeit bizarre) lapse in judgement. However, we have decided that she has killed her horse and now she must sleep in it.

Elecution


If you liked our podcast about executing elephants, you’ll love the original 1903 film by Thomas Edison entitled Electrocuting an Elephant, wherein Topsy the elephant is electrocuted. Keep in mind that electrocution had been used as a method of execution for humans since 1890, so this particular electrocution was not as insane as it may seem in hindsight. Also worth noting is the fact that the word “electrocution” is actually a portmanteau of the words “electric” and “execution.” The word originally only signified execution by electricity, not accidental death or injury by electricity.

And now, our feature presentation:

Is the tag "Buzz-worthy" a pun too far? Tell us in the comments.

Internets Update! Animal Sex Man Honey!


Howdy everybody!

It’s been 30 days since our last (first) internets update, so let’s do another one.  This is once again a summation of all the search terms that people have come to this site from.

owl gif 12
gross parasites 4
animals do before earthquake 4
animal news podcasts 4
animal news podcastr 3
pictures of animals reacting on disaster 3
animal news the podcast 3
wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake 2
beastly humans 2
wake up animal 2
animal news podcast 2
demonic owl gif 2
badass owls meme 2
demon owls 1
hookworm kimchi 1
why are owls hipster 1
bee puns 1
matt butler podcast 1
hipster salmon 1
smiling falcon 1
bee puns hipster owls 1
cat and owl gif 1
animal podcast, matt butler 1
fly zapper animated gif 1
why do animals freak out before earthquake 1
complete sequencing of genomes of four important representative species in inner mongolia, china 1
animals earthquake 1
hookworm parasite 1
hawkward owl 1
owls gif 1
hipster owl 1
do animals freak out before disaster? 1
animal sex man honey 1
winnie the pooh owl meme 1
hookworm 1
toxoplasmosis and pig 1
what did maryland animals do before the earthquake 1
hawkward 1
animal story of the week aug 29 1
highlarious animal news 1
do animals really freak out about earth quacks 1
animal fuck 1

So, what have we learned?

Owl gifs are apparently very important to our audience.  Hawkward (owl) got two, owl gifs got 12, demonic owl gif got 2.  Impressive.  Also, Winnie the Pooh owl meme was a scattershot one, but I’m glad you found us, person who was looking for the rule 34 of that one.

Natural disasters, of which I can now add torrential rain to, because it is super floody around here right now, have been pretty impressively well represented.  I think the main reasons for this are obvious.  1. We use words like freaked out to describe animals, instead of agitated.  Animals do before earthquake was one of my favorites.  Also, I do not know if “animals really freak out about earth quacks” but I’ll be damned if we don’t intend to find out.

Parasites. Gross, gross, disgusting parasites. Yeah, the people searching for that stuff are more hardcore than I am. I’m gonna go throw up.

And, I’m back. We have the general looking for podcasts about animals ones.  We have now been described for the first time as highlarious, so that’s awesome. Matt Butler Podcast has made the list again, which I think underestimates the importance of Kristin Ingram Podcast and Jake Crabbs Podcast.  You guys better google the fuck out of those terms.

And then we have the weird ones. “Animal Fuck.” Sure. “Animal Sex Man Honey.” No thank you, that sounds like it involves sex with bees, but please tell me more. “Hipster Salmon,” which should be on the codpast, but hasn’t been yet. “wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake” which might be my favorite search of this one.

Until next month, Animal Sex Man Honey!

Matt

Update:  Last time, I mentioned that searching for ‘disturbing and gross animal podcast’ would probably be a jackpot for us.  I just checked. We’re number one (and two).

What became of the haberdashers? (For MEN ONLY!)


Women of the world, please do not read this post, it is for MEN ONLY. Here is a link to more suitable reading for the fairer sex.

Alright, now that it is just us guys, I have to warn you of something. We men are becoming obsolete. New technology is making it possible for women to open their own stuck jars, kill their own bugs, and even program their own TiVos. We male specimens are becoming more and more useless.

“Don’t worry,” you say to yourself, “men will never be phased out entirely, eventually all of the females go baby crazy and then we males will be in demand for our seed. Indeed, we are entering a golden age of manhood! Thanks to Women’s Liberation, the ladies now can do all of the work while we laze about and make ourselves available for reproduction! Like a bee drone, the man of the future will exist only to lie around, gorging himself on honey until he is required for mating. Glorious days lie ahead!”

As tempting as a life of honey and sex sounds, the cottony cushioned scale (a gross little agricultural pest) has started a revolution that could see the end of males altogether. According to a National Geographic article, many of the females of this species of insect have become self-fertilizing (almost.) A parasitic clone of the female’s own father develops within the insect and fertilizes the eggs. So male cottony cushioned scales are no longer necessary and will likely die out in the near future. It is only a matter of time before human women find out about this and decide to give it a try. You know how they are about trendy health crazes.

So guys, before your wives and girlfriends find out about this evolutionary development, make yourself seem useful. Clean the gutters, get things off the top shelf for her, clean your shaving scum out of the bathroom sink. In short, do something to show that men are still good for SOMETHING. We all have to work together here guys or we’ll go the way of the Betamax.

Bee-ing Informed About Bees


Hey guys!

Matt here. I know we did a lot of buzz-worthy puns on the last podcast (Boom), but we mentioned some things in the podcast that you can watch on the internet.

First off, here is one of the most horrifyingly awesome things that you will ever see. Watch wasps murder the hell out of some bees. The hive is destroyed. To learn more about the wasps, here is the wikipedia.

To know more about the bee group hug of death, go here and look under supersedure. The bear hug of death is done so that they can replace the queen in her old age.

Of course, this being wikipedia, they have an article on the effects of toxic chemicals on bees. The first intoxicant that they list is, of course, alcohol.

Anyway, if you have more bee-search for us to add, please leave a comment. Also, please kill me so I can stop making these puns.