On the 3rd Day of Xmas, My True Love Gave to Me: Nonsense Hens

Welcome to the 3rd installment of

Kristin’s Gloriously Masterful Interpretation of the 12 Days of Christmas™!

In addition to being delicious, chickens clean up nice when it comes to the fascinating, ever-expanding world of Show Poultry. French chickens in particular, Faverolles, are something to behold in the pageant circuit. Yet,  they are by no means the definitive birds of the pageants. So strongly do I feel about this that I refuse to even put up a single picture of a faverolle.

Although it is my dream to have this blog launch my career as a poultry show judge, I’m content (for now) to judge these birds with my co-bloggers.


Kristin : Does the animal win points for being unable to see past its massive eyebrows? If so, plus a million points to the Araucana.

Matt: 15 points for aviator style goggles and helmet.

Jake: E for effort.

 Belgian D’Uccle

Matt: Two thumbs left for fluffiness.

Kristin: This chicken has perhaps witnessed great atrocities based on its hairstyle. 20 pity points.

Jake: I was gunna give it a score but instead give it a hearty handshake.


Matt: I give it a blue ribbon for dogness because it looks like a dog to me.

Kristin: I don’t like this one’s attitude. Minus 10 points.

Jake: 87% Fresh


Kristin: Very alert and stately bird. Short leggged and good natured? A+

Jake: On a scale from 1 to 7, I give it a “good”

Matt: 3 Fans for tail.

Modern Game

Kristin: This animal was bred to show. Look at that alluring stance, the smize, the turn. Best points.

Matt: Two chicken boners. [K: That doesn’t even work, it’s a male chicken…]

Jake: Don’t judge homosexual chickens. 3 1/3 stars.

Pekin Bantam

Kristin: I don’t really understand what the hump on this bird is but am intrigued by the prospect of extra meat. 2 million points.

Matt: One Golden Globe. It looks like a globe.

Jake: It looks like a squirrel from where I’m sitting. I give it a squirrel! Just kidding. Two squirrels!

Note: Jake is not wearing his glasses.


Kristin: I don’t need to see other entries. This one wins.

Matt: 10/10

Jake: Full credit.


Matt: 0 points for effort.

Kristin: No, I refuse that answer. We hold a high calibre of judgment here. Do not be the Paula Abdul of this competition.

Matt: Fine, I’d say it’s a 21.

Jake: I give it a Paula Abdul…of this competition.

Fluffiest bird ever SO Soft

Winner: Poland. This country turns out a great chicken.

Of course that just the consensus of hungover, half-blind podcasters. Feel free to to make your choice in this poll.