Tuesday Video Lunch: Fishing Bites


While Kristin obsesses over the Florida Python Challange (or “Snake Jihad”,) another insane Florida animal hunt is this week’s Video Lunch.

But before we get to the main course, we need a bit of an appetizer. It is possible that some of our readers are not familiar with noodling. Noodling is a form of fishing, in which the fisherman enters the water and puts his hand into dark holes and other likely hideouts for catfish. The catfish bites the intruding hand, either because it is pissed off or hungry, and then it becomes a battle of strength and will to decide whether the fish is caught or escapes. Sure, sometimes there are snapping turtles or snakes in those holes, but only sissies shy away from thrusting their limbs into the murky unknown. These women are not afraid:

So that’s noodling. Get in the water, shove your hand where it might get bit, and get ready for a fight. Just a few points about noodling before we proceed to the actual story for today:
1. Shirts are optional.
2. Country music is not optional.
3. The ladies in that video seem to have pet deer; this is also optional although not advisable since at least a few men have been gored to death by their pet deer.

In Florida, one of the few states where noodling is legal, some guy has decided to take things up a level. First, he isn’t keen on getting wet, so he just lies on the dock. Second, instead of going after catfish, he takes on tarpon. Tarpon is an interesting choice because they can get to be 8 feet long and 280 pounds and they are prized as game fish because they put up a fight like a sleepy child at bedtime. (If you’ve never been a babysitter, you may be surprised to know that it is the sleepy children who are most insistent that they don’t want to go to bed, but it is true.)

What!? After all that wrestlin’ he let it get away? I bet he doesn’t even have a pet deer!

From The Sun

Animals Nobody Loves (Unless They’re in Plush Form)


As a teacher and an animal enthusiast, I’m always excited to come across a book that both gets my students wanting to practice their English and teaches them bout some animals.

That's quite enough spider faces for one week, isn't it folks?

As a bonus, the boys in my class get SO VERY excited about this book that they feel the need to try and scare me with it every chance they get.I hate spider faces so the cover alone makes me wanna burn the book immediately but I persevere for the sake of education or whatever.

And, what kind of example would I be setting if I promoted murdering ugly animals? Even the ugliest of endangered animals deserve our conside-  I can stop there, actually, because a number of…let’s call them ‘artists’ have set to work erasing the stigma on these hideous creatures by making plushes of them.

These are toys every child should own…but, you know, not my child.

Some of those may not be real animals but they are all real plush representatives and I want them all (Except the lemur. Sorry, Matt). I don’t know what I’d do with them, but I want them all.

On the 9th Day of Xmas, My True Love Gave to Me, 9 Glowing Nightmares (Also, news)


Today I was listening to the NYT Science Times podcast and generally letting the boring stuff serve as white noise when the host assaulted me with an astounding fact:

“90% of Sea Animals are bioluminescent.” 

Of course, the expert guest quickly jumped in and said Yes, in some regions it’s that high. So, only as many as 90% can flash and sparkle? That’s still pretty incredible. Animals using the power of light to communicate complex details concerning mating rituals, food sources, and defense against other, toothier animals. And what do we use  ours lights for? Replacing the sun occasionally? Growing ..houseplants? Decorating our houses come the holiday season..

Welcome to another amazing edition of

Kristin’s Gloriously Masterful Interpretation of the 12 Days of Christmas!

We’re at 9, and instead of going on about dancing to attract (or, in most cases, repel) a mate, let’s look at the awesome power of light which seems to attract everything from mates to food to death.

The name Dumbo Octopus refers to a genus whose species run the gamut of adorable to terrifying.

I can appreciate the Atolla Jellyfish because, depending on its pose, it’s either a menacing character or the indisputable lead man in the cast of my nightmares.

Deep sea shrimp just want to show viper fish the true meaning of Christmas....lights.

Red Gree. Jellyfish

I wish I had time to photoshop a lil' Santa hat for this festive jellyfish.

Ctenophora, comb jellies, are where you go for the atypical jellyfish shapes – you can have blob shape, head massager shape, organ shape, lemon juicer shape – whatever you want!
Blue Glowing Jellyfish
And finally, it’s my favorite, the Vampire Squid.
In addition to having those dumbo ears, Vampire Squid tend to be blood red or black, act a bit aggressive, and from time to time pretend to be pineapples. Remember that Atolla Jellyfish? How it can change from scary to horrific?
This squid has that shit in spades. Literal spades.

Sparkling eyes.

Aw, it's wearing a dress, kind of. Nothing amiss here.

Please stop.

No.

Anyway, that NYT article wasn’t trying to convince anyone that these animals are cute. It was more about how we should be nice to their habitats cause if not they will not glow as hard and refuse to put out the bioluminescent chemicals we use for medical research. Cute or not, we can’t just burn them all like I want to.
Red Gree. Jellyfish

12 Days of Christmas, Animal Edition


We here at ANTP will take any excuse to post about animals we like or want to eat or dislike or whatever and Kristin likes Christmas.

Here’s what we got so far:

1.Instead of partridges, we got Fancy Bird Hairstyles

2. Instead of 2 Turtle Doves, we got Two Footless Doves

3. Instead of 3 French Hens, we got Nonsense Hens

4. Instead of 4 calling birds, we got Bird Dopplegangers

5. Instead of 5 golden rings, we got Hardcore Goldfish

6. Instead of 6 Geese, we got Six Monsters Laying

7. Instead of 7 Swans, we got Seven Sloths a Swimming

8. Instead of 8 Maids, we got Eight Milk Jokes Milking

9. Instead of 9 Dancers, we got Nine Glowing Nightmares

10. Instead of 10 Lords, we got Lords of the Animals

11. Instead of 11 Pipers, we got 11 Vipers Viping

12. Instead of 12 Drummers, we got 12 Puppet Parents

Goldfish Ring

On the 5th Day of Xmas, My True Love Sent to Me: HARD-CORE-GOLD-FISH!


Welcome Back to

Kristin’s Gloriously Masterful Interpretation of the 12 Days of Christmas!

Why anyone would pierce a fish is beyond me. Actually, I suppose it isn’t since I understand the basics of fishing. And…

I’m using the word “hardcore” in the title but by no means advocate piercing animals. There is absolutely no point except to very deliberately agitate the animal. Sure, they might get used to it but why even do it in the first place? Let’s find out, I guess.

Cow Septum Rings = Reasonable

“The nose ring assists the handler to control a dangerous animal with minimal risk of injury or disruption by exerting stress on one of the most sensitive parts of the animal, the nose. Bulls, especially, are powerful and sometimes unpredictable animals which, if uncontrolled, can kill or severely injure a human handler.” -Wikipedia

Septum rings

Maybe the most normal of the animal piercings. I bet they sneeze when it gets put in, I know I did!

Pig Septum Rings = Fairly Reasonable

Pigs dig or “root” with their snouts, and such digging may be undesirable in some circumstances. Nose rings make digging uncomfortable for the animal, although a rung pig is still able to forage freely through leaf litter and surface vegetation.” -Wikipedia

Left to their own devices, pigs would just dig up all the evidence you worked so hard to bury in the backyard.

Kittens with Pierced Ears = Profitable Bullshit

‘Dr Merck said metal rings through the kittens’ ears affected their hearing while studs at the back of their necks and the bases of their tails produced a permanent feeling of submission.

“It would make them feel as if they were constantly being bitten (by their mothers),” she added.’ -MSN

Kitty Ring

Don't you think cats are crazy enough, kitten piercing lady?


Goldfish Lip Ring = Complete Bullshit

” I was bored, and the fish was at the shop. It all started out as a joke, but it looked cool and it never affected him adversely. So I just left it in.” -bizarremag

97% of all irony is completely lost on fish.

I can barely justify my own piercings so I’m still having trouble understanding what the pet piercings are all about. But if you’re going to do something for the sake of being hardcore, just be a tattooed fish.

Just like with eating beached whales, living inside horses and having sex with turkeys,

Don’t do this.

It’s a hassle, it interferes with the fish’s protective slime coating and is insulting to nature.

 I’m taking a break from all this, this song is starting to wear me out.

Can you teach a dog to be racist? and other Internet Concerns


Really, internet?

So, K and I decided that tonight, we would go searching through the abyss that is you internet, to find posts of questionable validity and obviously zero research.  We found a goldmine, at Yahoo Answers.  Sometimes, the questions were good.

Well, as long as you have a reason.

Good call not stopping after "I had a dream last night."

or rape? I don't think that means what you think it means.

Sometimes, there were questions with answers.

I think we all learned something about you, pervert.

A beautiful, majestic creature finally gets railed like it should.

Yes, that child's beloved pet has been hyperburned by you.

And sometimes, we just found good answers.

Thank you for your concern.

Hey! Thanks for backing up your argument so well!

I've heard of that wasp. That wasp hunts that man to this day.

We quite enjoyed doing this.  If you find any, or want us to find some more next week, please, let us know in the comments.

Whale Tale


Today, I was cruising around io9, and I came across this.

This short video shows what happens to a whales corpse as it descends to the bottom and is consumed by the scavengers that live there.  It’s pretty incredible to watch, because of the detailed craftsmanship of the puppets, and the beauty of the whole thing.

Anyway, what with our most recent podcast being about Whales, I hope you guys would like to see this video.  In the comments, which one of the puppets is your favorite?

Things Animals Do Before An Earthquake


Recently my hometown in Maryland was rocked by a quakier than usual earthquake. Of course, my immediate thought was of my mom’s two yorkies and how they likely flipped the fuck out moments before the quake took place (these are dogs easily unhinged by the presence of balloons and paper towel rolls). And so I wondered what the rest of the animals would be up to in those frightful minutes before the event.

In general, when any major natural disaster is coming, animals want to flee the area. And from what I can tell from tweets, dogs freak out. That’s not really descriptive enough for me so I had to figure out what a “freak out” entails. A Japanese doctor noticed that dog bites tend to increase around earthquake events and barking but he couldn’t really conclude anything since dogs seemingly bark all the time for no reason.

The Maryland SPCA, however, was ready to conclude some shit and called people after the latest quake to ask about their pets’ shenanigans. Pet owners claimed that while some of their animals hid under beds, made a ton of noise, and ran around, others had no fucks to give about quakes and instead took to napping. Shows how reliable they are. I can’t blame pets though as the ability to survive without bedazzled kerchiefs and filtered water is being bred out of them.

What about other animals? Other animals aren’t bogged down with bows, tied up listening to NPR or learning to open the fridge. No. They’ve got ears to the ground, ready to pick up and flee like champions at the smallest hint of a disaster. In Sri Lanka and Thailand, elephants haul ass uphill along with …seemingly every other animal in the area. In fact, so lightning responsive were they that, after the 2004 tsunami, almost no animal carcasses were found in the receded waters. But, Kristin, you say, what is almost? That’s just as bad as the pets. And I say that you could guess the animals that didn’t make it. Cat. And maybe some buffalo but I gunna round them up to “cows” to support my thoughts here.

For other animals I might have missed:

More on toads being awesome at predicting shit here.

Actually I’m pretty sure this happens all the time on Christmas Island but whatever.

I’ll try to find more cool photos of animals reacting to things like this.

UPDATE:

Dogs both freak out and flee like champions.

The dog in this video didn’t have enough time to really freak and instead took off just moments before the quake happened.