Podcast: Aquarium Heists, Tupac the Guard Caiman, and Cat Interrogations

You know what time it is?  It’s time for ANTP.  Today, we’ve got animals guarding things, animals being stolen, and an animal breaking into jail.  Listen!

Also, we just hit 25,000 views on wordpress.  Thank you all so much for reading, and we hope to get another 25,000!


WTF Evolution is Pretty Awesome

Man, Jake just suggested a site today, so I decided to suggest another one.  WTF Evolution is pretty funny, and good stuff.  Check it out!

“So I was thinking.”

“Great, evolution.”

“Nobody really needs eyeballs and limbs and all that, right? When you get down to it, all you really needto be alive is an opening for stuff to go in and an opening for stuff to come out.”

“Well, yeah, I guess so.”

“I might try making things that way for a few million years. ‘Sea cucumbers’ and the like.”

“Okay, but it’s not just going to be, like, a tube with a mouth and an anus, is it? That sounds a little crass.”

“What if I made it pink?”

“I don’t know…”

“Oh, and also, it’s going to breathe through the butt end.”

– WTF Evolution

Tabloid Thursday: Big Money, No Whammy!

There has been a lot of buzz about the “Mega Millions” lottery recently. Not all of it good. It is well known that government run lotteries are a big source of revenue, but studies have shown time and again that the lottery is played by the poor and under-educated people in society. In fact, lots of news sources from around the country are running stories about how the lottery is basically a “poor and uneducated” tax. But of course, somebody wins. In Michigan, two recent lottery winners continued to receive food-stamps after. But what takes the cake is that the Mega Millions has been won by one of society’s poorest and least educated, a dog. It must be Tabloid Thursday!

According to Weekly World News, a golden retriever/poodle mix named Princess walked into a convenience store with the winning ticket tucked into her collar. The winnings represent a staggering $218 millon (before taxes and flea bath.) There is no indication as to who her owner is, so “As far as we know, this is the dog’s winnings.” What will happen if the dog remains unclaimed is not clear.

Tuesday Video Lunch: St. Rhinotines Day

Happy St. Valentine’s Day! According to a survey conducted of English speaking people who live in my apartment, no animal is more romantic than the rhinoceros. So today, let’s have a look at the love life of this majestic creature. But first, some actual news:

Last week, police and staff at the Ueno Zoological Gardens conducted a rhino escape drill. For a touch of realism, the rhinoceros substitute was a delightfully realistic papier-mâché rhino with two zoo staff inside. The wiggling ears and wagging tail are especially nice touches. I think they put on a bit too much eye shadow though; it made the rhino look a bit trampy. Luckily for us, somebody got the whole ordeal on tape for this week’s Video Lunch!

As you can see from the video, the end game for stopping an escaped rhino on a rampage is to shoot it with a tranquilizer dart. But what if the goal isn’t to stop a rhino, but to woo her? Well, as we discussed in the most recent podcast, it is notoriously difficult to sedate rhinos and other animals without killing them. For this reason (and for a number of moral reasons) we must advise that you never attempt to date-rape a rhino or any other living thing.

Our next video will show you the proper (if not always successful) way to go about courting a buxom rhinocerus lass. In this video, Romeo the rhino makes several efforts at winning the heart of a mate. He tries buying her a drink at the waterhole, he tries sweet talking her with squeaks and whines, and he even tries to pick her up by the leg and carry her off. As he confronts a wall of angry females, it looks like what he really needs is a wingman.

And, like so many human bachelors, when things don’t work out with the ladies, he goes home and breaks shit.

Oh, and since it is St. Valentine’s Day, here are some pictures of a cute girl and a horse’s heart.

The Blast Heard ‘Round the World

As we mentioned on the last installment of the codpast, before the “viral videos” were all the rage, there was The Exploding Whale. Watch it often, especially at parties:

Elephants, Hangings and Training

New AN:TP! Listen now!

PETA, Movies, and Arachniphobia

Hey guys! There is a new Animal News: The Podcast!  I hope you like this one! Because I really fucking loved it.

Thanks for listening! Comment below!