Anti-Plug: Slutty Horses Known as ‘Struts’


In the last podcast, I anti plugged slutty toy horses. I mistakenly linked the horses I had in mind, Struts, with Bratz.

Please forgive me listeners. The Bratz line has its own line of strangely flirtacious fashion horses called Ponyz.

Eyeshadow, body glitter, shoes, and coiffed eyebrows sell toy horses. Everyone knows this.

The Struts are actually produced by the My Little Pony people which means they don’t really have the excuse of an older line of, um, suggestively dressed teen dolls. No, they had to justify Struts (Sluts + Strumpets? Oh wait it’s cause horses strut. Wait, really?) as filling a demand young girls everywhere have for horses and fashion.

I know my background in marketing might have some influence here but my solution to What is Horse + Fashion never equals this:

...

Most of the horse “accessories” or horsessories don’t bother me too much – I pray that their owners know that trying to put pearls, skirts, anklets and earrings on horses is a death wish- the shoes, however, are killing me.

Long time listeners know how much I hate dog shoes but at least those serve the discernible purpose of keeping paws clean. The heels these horses are sporting, which my mom would identify as “hooker heels,” are kind of the worst thing you could do to torture a horse.

Thankfully, I feel like these abominations have been exposed for the strange, unwholesomeness that they are and My Little Pony decided to move on to the now beloved, precocious, cherubic Friendship is Magic Ponies.

The only accessory that ever made sense was a damn saddle. WHY WOULD YOU PUT HEELS ON A HORSE.

 And no one ever heard from those flirty, smizing ponies in miniskirts ever again.

The End.

Elecution


If you liked our podcast about executing elephants, you’ll love the original 1903 film by Thomas Edison entitled Electrocuting an Elephant, wherein Topsy the elephant is electrocuted. Keep in mind that electrocution had been used as a method of execution for humans since 1890, so this particular electrocution was not as insane as it may seem in hindsight. Also worth noting is the fact that the word “electrocution” is actually a portmanteau of the words “electric” and “execution.” The word originally only signified execution by electricity, not accidental death or injury by electricity.

And now, our feature presentation:

Is the tag "Buzz-worthy" a pun too far? Tell us in the comments.

Internets Update! Animal Sex Man Honey!


Howdy everybody!

It’s been 30 days since our last (first) internets update, so let’s do another one.  This is once again a summation of all the search terms that people have come to this site from.

owl gif 12
gross parasites 4
animals do before earthquake 4
animal news podcasts 4
animal news podcastr 3
pictures of animals reacting on disaster 3
animal news the podcast 3
wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake 2
beastly humans 2
wake up animal 2
animal news podcast 2
demonic owl gif 2
badass owls meme 2
demon owls 1
hookworm kimchi 1
why are owls hipster 1
bee puns 1
matt butler podcast 1
hipster salmon 1
smiling falcon 1
bee puns hipster owls 1
cat and owl gif 1
animal podcast, matt butler 1
fly zapper animated gif 1
why do animals freak out before earthquake 1
complete sequencing of genomes of four important representative species in inner mongolia, china 1
animals earthquake 1
hookworm parasite 1
hawkward owl 1
owls gif 1
hipster owl 1
do animals freak out before disaster? 1
animal sex man honey 1
winnie the pooh owl meme 1
hookworm 1
toxoplasmosis and pig 1
what did maryland animals do before the earthquake 1
hawkward 1
animal story of the week aug 29 1
highlarious animal news 1
do animals really freak out about earth quacks 1
animal fuck 1

So, what have we learned?

Owl gifs are apparently very important to our audience.  Hawkward (owl) got two, owl gifs got 12, demonic owl gif got 2.  Impressive.  Also, Winnie the Pooh owl meme was a scattershot one, but I’m glad you found us, person who was looking for the rule 34 of that one.

Natural disasters, of which I can now add torrential rain to, because it is super floody around here right now, have been pretty impressively well represented.  I think the main reasons for this are obvious.  1. We use words like freaked out to describe animals, instead of agitated.  Animals do before earthquake was one of my favorites.  Also, I do not know if “animals really freak out about earth quacks” but I’ll be damned if we don’t intend to find out.

Parasites. Gross, gross, disgusting parasites. Yeah, the people searching for that stuff are more hardcore than I am. I’m gonna go throw up.

And, I’m back. We have the general looking for podcasts about animals ones.  We have now been described for the first time as highlarious, so that’s awesome. Matt Butler Podcast has made the list again, which I think underestimates the importance of Kristin Ingram Podcast and Jake Crabbs Podcast.  You guys better google the fuck out of those terms.

And then we have the weird ones. “Animal Fuck.” Sure. “Animal Sex Man Honey.” No thank you, that sounds like it involves sex with bees, but please tell me more. “Hipster Salmon,” which should be on the codpast, but hasn’t been yet. “wwwdogbites owner before an earhtquake” which might be my favorite search of this one.

Until next month, Animal Sex Man Honey!

Matt

Update:  Last time, I mentioned that searching for ‘disturbing and gross animal podcast’ would probably be a jackpot for us.  I just checked. We’re number one (and two).

The Harris’s Hawks of the Desert will Cooperate to Destroy Us All


Howdy everybody! It’s Matt again.

I guess I am making a habit of this, but I needed to tell you guys about this one.

Check this out. I’ll wait.

Holy shit, right? I mean, come on, how can you not be psyched about that kind of news story. It’s about a pack of raptors that have been trained to display their natural behavior where people can see it, and actually go straight home afterwards, without being recaptured or restrained. It’s absolutely insane, but in the best way possible.

Look, I know I’m a huge fan boy for this right now, but seriously, imagine having that job. You wake up in the morning, feed the birds, weigh them, and then, you go out and help them display their gifts to the people who come out to see them. Then, you go take them back to their mews, and you keep them healthy and protected.

In a funny coincidence, I have actually been to the reserve that is mentioned in this story. I didn’t know about the falconry demonstrations at the time, but I was completely enthralled by the desert wildlife on display. There were a lot of different insects and other creatures that were at the place. If you are ever in the Phoenix area, I would suggest going to check it out. Then, you can go to the Crocodile Cafe, which is both an obscure movie reference, and a real place, which is delicious. Wear sunscreen though, cause the sun is literally two inches off the ground there.

If you haven’t checked it out, we have a new podcast about bees, and if you haven’t heard our falconry podcast, get on it.

UPDATE: It’s literally two minutes later, but I wanted to say one more thing.

So, I recently have been mining my childhood for nostalgia, because I have been on this weird going back to the US tear, and I wanted to check something out from my childhood. So I started reading Animorphs again. First off, when I was a kid, that shit was no where near as dark as I think it is now. The first book features multiple vicious murders, and the morphing is described in the most insanely grotesque way possible. It’s awesome.

But, I had forgotten about the one person who got trapped in a morph, and what morph he was eventually trapped in. That’s right, Tobias, the sullen emo kid from the broken home, was morphed into a Red Tail Hawk. It’s one of those things that I think spurred my addiction to falconry, that lay dormant in me until I started looking it up recently. So now I have two children’s books that I read that prominently featured falcons used in falconry, My Side of the Mountain, and Animorphs.